On my brother, Frankie.
19 May, 2018

I often get asked how it is to have a brother like my own. Hmm.

My brother and I both were adopted from Guatemala and Vietnam, respectively. Frankie was adopted before me, and is a little over two years older than I am. Some time after our parents brought him back to the states, he was diagnosed with Autism… because being adopted from Central America was just not exciting enough. From what I can tell, this is the origin of peoples questions; this one trait of his.

My answer when anyone asks “what is it like to have Frankie as a brother” or “do you sometimes wish you had a normal brother” is always the same. I’ve grown up beside Frankie for my entire life. It’s the only thing I’ve ever known. So, to have another brother, one without Autism, would be abnormal to me. Frankie is the only brother I have, and my life would be abnormal without him. It’s normal to me to have Frankie as an older brother, Autism and all. I couldn’t imagine him any other way.

I think it’s easy to pity or feel sympathy for Frankie, or really anyone affected by a developmental or intellectual disability. Maybe it’s because we feel superior to them, or maybe it’s because we think that they are missing out on some of the joys in life because of their disability. And in some cases yeah, Frankie is missing out. For example, he doesn’t understand interpersonal relationships or social constructs well at all, which can lead to some very awkward situations. It means that sometimes he doesn’t know how to take a hint, and he doesn’t catch on to unspoken social stigmas. These are the situations in which one could say he’s missing out. However, people get too hung up on such situations, which prevents them from looking past them. If you can look past them, you can see that Frankies disability can also sometimes be an advantage.

He may not be well adept in social situations, but at his heart, frankie is as good as anybody. He knows right from wrong, good from evil, and no matter what, he just wants people to be happy. He sees the good in everyone. His lack in social skills is totally compensated by the good in his heart. That’s where Frankie has the advantage. Take away from any life, the premature judgment of others, social anxiety, and the worry of how others are judging you, and what you’re left with is the good that’s in everyone. That’s Frankie. He sees the world without the harsh social lenses that we see it through, not because he chooses to, but because that’s who he is.

Ask anyone who’s ever known Frankie and they’ll say he’s awesome; he’s one of their favorite people to have around. He has one of those personalities that fills a room, and a laugh that’s more contagious than the common cold. He’s my brother.